tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2009-11-11:/MokoFeed2009-11-11T11:02:39+01:00tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-08-13:/2005/08/13/update_time/onlypaul2005-08-13T10:09:18+02:002005-08-13T10:09:18+02:00 <p>Jeez, it seems like aeons since last I wrote...<br> I don't really have a lot of time to catch up so I'll be brief.<br> 5 Day Diet is going very well. Until this week, when I've had a major eat-a-thon. Don't feel too bad about that though because I've got the munchies ou of my system and I'll be back to dieting tomorrow (well, today I'm seeing someone I haven't seen in ages so the drink will be flowing!)<br> The twins are pretty much great all the time. We've got through the major hurdle of the first few months where the only time they stopped screaming was to breathe in. Now they are proper little people who react to things. Things are good.<br> And that's it for now. Will start posting more, I promise.<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/08/13/update_time/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-30:/2005/07/30/just_some_update_stuff_1/onlypaul2005-07-30T23:53:01+02:002005-07-30T23:53:01+02:00 <p>Nothing to see here really. Met girl One for a coffee in the Big City the other day. I have to say that (reality check!) nothing is ever likely to happen here. I like her a lot but I know it's just infatuation and/or lust. Nothing serious. I do like her a lot as a friend as well. It just helps that she's so damned cute!<br> The twins have been just great recently. They still have their moments, but by and large they are, well, great.<br> The toddler is a bit of a handful though, but I'm just putting that down to the fact that it's the school holidays. And the last couple of days have been very, very wet, and he's an outdoor kid so that isn't so great when we're banished to the house. Wellies and puddles always work well though!<br> What of my family? Well, although they've been invading my thoughts almost constantly of late, I've decided to leave it alone. My Mam deserves any kind of loneliness that will ultimately descend upon her; my Dad is hurtling through a midlife crises at such a rate that it's bound to go tits up at an alarming rate in the near future; my brother was always his own favourite person, so he'll be quite happy living in his own head without any interference from me (and Christ knows, if I ever bumped into him I wouldn't know how I would stop my fists from doing the talking); and my sister is just a mini version of my Mam, so... she deserves everything that comes her way too.<br> In a nutshell: I've endured a helluva lot of hurt that's only got worse since my Mam decided to contact me (for whatever selfish reason she picked out of the hat) so I'm going to distance myself. I don't want the hurt so I will keep it at a minimum by keeping away from the lot of them. Familes, eh, who needs 'em!?<br> And that is that for now. Tomorrow I might pop back on to give you an update on the 5 Day Diet. I need to remain the same to hit my end of July target. So, if I stay 14'9 or even lose, I'll be shouting from the rooftops. If I gain weight, expect to see me somewhere down the local drinking hole, or the nearest cake shop!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/30/just_some_update_stuff_1/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-30:/2005/07/30/just_some_update_stuff/onlypaul2005-07-30T23:32:27+02:002005-07-30T23:32:27+02:00<p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/30/just_some_update_stuff/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-26:/2005/07/26/this_is_fast_becomming_a_weight_loss_blo/onlypaul2005-07-26T22:48:11+02:002005-07-26T22:48:11+02:00 <p>Well, the title says it all: this is fast becomming a weight-loss blog! Today was weigh-in day and I shed an other 2lbs. This brings me down to 14stone 9lbs. Which still means I'm a fatty but just not as fatty as I was. Still a long way to go, but now that I've started I should be okay. And 14'9 was my target for the end of July, so, as long as I don't start going mad, I should - should! - stay on target ("Stay on target!" [Star Wars reference]) for the end of the month.<br> Wish me luck!<br> Other things. Well, the twins. Things have been pretty good for a while now. We've all been getting along fine - including the toddler, who I've been making a special effort for (I was worrying about spending too much time with the twins and not enough with the toddler). It's no secret (if you've been reading my blog) that there were days when I could have walked (ran?) away and never looked back. Never would have, but the temptation was a common one. But today was a particularly good day. Sometimes all you have to do is see a baby smile. It's even better when the baby is your own. And it's better still when there are two of them. But it truly is the best when they're both smiling... and they're smiling because of you (you being me, obviously). Of course, they've been smiling for ages now, but today has been something of a smiley day all round. And that sort of day can get you through the worst of days.<br> (Sits back and smiles whilst taking a long slug of ice cold beer that he has awarded himself for doing well on his diet. And all that whilst typing with his other hand!)<br> Life is pretty good. Mind you, the school holidays have really only just begun!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/26/this_is_fast_becomming_a_weight_loss_blo/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-21:/2005/07/22/short_and_sweet/onlypaul2005-07-22T00:53:29+02:002005-07-22T00:53:29+02:00 <p>A little too drunk to write too much, but thought I would let you all know the results of the 5 Day Diet.... another 3 pounds down! Yes! Who's the man?!!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/22/short_and_sweet/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-16:/2005/07/16/seems_ages_since_an_update_1/onlypaul2005-07-16T22:54:35+02:002005-07-16T22:54:35+02:00 <p>First bit of great news: today is weigh-in day and I lost (drum roll please) five whole pounds. Now, I know I've been here before and I could quite easily fall off the dieting band-wagon, but I feel quite focussed at the moment and so (hopefully) this is the start of regularly losing. The five day diet continues... in five days time!<br> School holidays started yesterday, which means I have three screaming maws to entertain ALL DAY for SEVEN WEEKS! Excuse me while I sneak off for a quick drink of JD (sneaks off; has drink; returns.) This also means that I have to live without Girl One for those seven weeks too. Or does it? We made tentative plans to get together during the Summer break and, well, it is a big city, but our paths are bound to cross over the coming weeks, right? And anyway, like I said, we made plans to get our respective kids together from time to time during the holidays, so we're bound to have to get together for coffee - and I mean coffee as a drink, not a euphamism.<br> What else to report? Well, from time to time the twins kick off, but they are pretty much grounded in a routine now, so, as long as I maintain the routine they remain pretty good. I still struggle to fit the toddler into the equation though. I mean, he gets loads of attention - probably more than most kids I would think - but I still think that he must feel like he's being shunted off every feed time.<br> Other things... nothing really. Well, enough to keep my mind ticking over, but nothing that would interest anyone out there in cyberspace!<br> Bye bye.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/16/seems_ages_since_an_update_1/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-16:/2005/07/16/seems_ages_since_an_update/onlypaul2005-07-16T22:40:55+02:002005-07-16T22:40:55+02:00<p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/16/seems_ages_since_an_update/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-12:/2005/07/12/response_to_a_comment/onlypaul2005-07-12T15:21:32+02:002005-07-12T15:21:32+02:00 <p>I don't know whether or not I was being naive, but I didn't really expect anyone to comment so nastily on any of my posts. But, nevertheless, I feel I should respond to Dawn03...<br> Maybe Wifey has gone looking for a slimline model. I don't know - I'm a guy and so wouldn't pick up on something like that! I do respect myself though, but at the same time, I would probably respect myself even more if I was to lose three stone. Lots of people are overwieght; I chose to document my weight-loss on this blog to try and motivate myself to succeed. I figured that if people were tracking my progress, it might help me a bit. I certainly didn't expect people (you, in other words) to beat me up about it.<br> Would I have an affair with Girl One? I ask myself this a lot, and every time I come up with the same answer: too many people would get hurt. I said on this blog a while ago that when I got married, it was for life, not until someone else came along. I'm not looking for an affair and would try my very best to prevent one from starting; I'm not out to hurt anyone, merely just working through my life's options via my blog.<br> Life is hard at the moment and that is undoubtedly because of the difficulty in our family having two extra (very loud) mouths. Having a baby (or babies) is the biggest challenge any relationship could have to endure. Yes, our affections are centred elsewhere, so we both probably feel more unloved than we ever have done previously. And yes, there will be times when I am cold to her and she is cold to me. Having twins isn't easy. I certainly have found it far, far harder than I expected, and would guess that Wifey has too. We just have to work through that and (hopefully) come out smiling at the end.<br> I never started a blog in order to feel disciplined and intellectual. (And, frankly, you have no idea what disciplined and intellectual things I do - don't assume everything I do is documented here.) It's just a diary, nothing more, nothing less. The only difference is that people read it. I find it helps me get my thoughts together, feel better about life in general. And I use it to calm myself down too. If I rant on here, then I'm less likely to do so at home. Sorry if that offends you or you don't approve, but you don't have to read my blog. And you certainly don't have to be judgemental.<br> And regarding me being a house husband, it is the only option. Money dictates these things more often than not, and that is the case with me. To have three children cared for every day would simply be too much money and so I took the plunge. I never said I would be great at it, but I'm willing to give it a go and at the end of the day, that's the best anyone can do.<br> So, thanks for reading and commenting, but chill out a bit too, eh?<br> Bye bye.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/12/response_to_a_comment/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-10:/2005/07/10/title_10778/onlypaul2005-07-10T23:28:41+02:002005-07-10T23:28:41+02:00 <p>Firstly, a quick note for uksweetheart. Doh! Yes, I did mean 15 stone and not 5. Jeez, I have problems in my life but being too thin is certainly not one of them! I will try to type a little better in future!<br> Incidentally, since my last update, I have had a weigh-in and added many pounds to my girth. Last weigh-in was 15 (that's fifteen) stone 6lbs. But I really have tried hard this last 5 days, so if I don't lose tomorrow I will be seriously pissed off. Wish me luck!<br> Nothing really to report of late. Twins have been okay, which is the main reason I started this whole blog thing.<br> Girl One needs a mention though. Things seem to be develoing there.<br> Let me just say though that I'm not actively seeking out an affair. Would I have one if the oppurtunity presented itself? I don't know. I would try not to, but the way I'm feeling most of the time, I think I would like the attention that would come with an affair. (Yes, I know, all you women out there are probably throwing old fruit at your computers screens right now calling me a useless, weak, typical man. But remember - we have feelings too. When you spend your days looking after three kids and your better half is mostly cold towards you, then it becomes easy to fall into the trap of finding warmth elsewhere. I'm not trying to justify the potential for an affair, but I am trying to explain how I got to this stage.<br> And anyway - I'm not even having an affair!!!!<br> But here's the thing: does a woman know when a man fancies them? I've already said that Wifey has made noises to suggest she thinks something might be going on with Girl One (which it isn't) but what would Girl One think? I have become quite friendly with her. We've been out for coffee, talked together for longer than is probably necessary, that kind of thing. So, would you say she knows I like her? And if so, what are her motives? And what are mine? Can a man and woman really be friends without sex getting in the way? Maybe I should watch 'When Harry Met Sally' again...!<br> I'd appreciate some comments from people to see what they think of my burgeoning (us that the right word?) friendship with Girl One. But don't be too judgemental... I'm only a guy and we have feelings too!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/10/title_10778/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-07-05:/2005/07/06/the_return_of_girl_one/onlypaul2005-07-06T00:31:05+02:002005-07-06T00:31:05+02:00 <p>It occurred to me today that - once again! - I am neglecting number one son. The twins are being good(ish) which is great but I don't feel as if my first born is getting enough time. It's a vicious circle: I concentrate on the toddler and the twins don't get enough attention; I concentrate on the twins and the toddler doesn't get enough. How the hell do I find a balance?<br> On to other things. Tomorrow is weigh-in day and - once again! - I have eaten and drank way too much. I'm finding it extremely hard to find the disciplin to start this diet properly. I've been on it now for a few weeks but I just seem to fluctuate between being good and being bad. Must try harder...!<br> And Girl One? Well, she's been on the back burner for a while now, never mentioned, never thought about (actually, I think about her quite a lot, but that's just between me and you). Spend a nice half hour flirting with her the other day - and getting some back too, I thought. But never mentioned. Especially to Wifey. So how come - out of the blue - she asked me about her the other day? The sort of comment that women throw into the mix to catch us guys out. Like she knows I've got a thing for her, even though she shouldn't have the faintest idea. But there was also something else, a distinct impression that Wifey thinks there might be something for her to be concerned about. (But there's not.) Hmmmmm.<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/07/06/the_return_of_girl_one/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-29:/2005/06/29/today_was_a_bad_day/onlypaul2005-06-29T23:13:40+02:002005-06-29T23:13:40+02:00 <p>The title says it all, really. One of the twins just isn't eating at the moment and it's driving me nuts. Apart from anything else, he just won't keep still when it's meal time. He claws with his hands, scratches with his fingers, kicks his legs repeatedly, jerks his head around. The list goes on. He's like a blur of motion. He is just so hard to feed, I'm getting to the stage where I'm starting to worry now (10pm) about feeding him tomorrow.<br> On the plus side, the other twin is still maintaining her air of calm and gigglyness (is that a word?) You just have to look at her at the moment and she collapses into giggles. She's keeping my spirits up anyway!<br> The diet isn't going particularly well, although I am making sure that I keep up with my running routine. It just seems that if I have a bad day with the twins then I either drink or eat, neither of which are recommended for dieters. The day after tomorrow is weigh-in day, so I shall be on my best behaviour tomorrow.<br> And what of my family? Well, nothing. I expected as much, but I always hope that I will be proved wrong. I still haven't tracked down my Dad, but then when Wifey's at work I don't have a car so will have to wait until an oppurtunity presents itself.<br> Updates as and when!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/29/today_was_a_bad_day/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-27:/2005/06/27/updates/onlypaul2005-06-27T23:39:35+02:002005-06-27T23:39:35+02:00 <p>5 Day Diet first. Damn. But not as big a damn as I was expecting. My weight stayed the same. On the face of it, this isn't too bad, but it does mean that I am one pound heavier than I wanted to be at the end of June (my next weigh-in is on Friday, which is the first of July). I am the first to admit that I haven't really been dieting to the best of my ability though. But I have started running now, which I aim to do every other day, which will hopefully help the weigh fly off! Now, I just have to stop myself from eating all the lovely bad food that seems to be available at every turn!<br> I have to say thanks for the messages of support from Pooh Tai (is that spelt right?) Whenever things seem to be getting the better of me, along comes another 'keep your chin up' type message to help me along. Thanks - it's nice to know someone's there!<br> The twins have been okay recently. It certainly helps that I have them in a pretty strict routine. They know what they're supposed to be doing, which helps all concerned. I know it helps me, anyway!<br> And my family? Well, my Mam should get the letter tomorrow. I guess I'll just wait and see. I honestly don't expect a reply. And I still can't find where my Dad's gone to. I will though....<br> Bye bye.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/27/updates/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-24:/2005/06/24/things_are_getting_back_to_normal/onlypaul2005-06-24T15:11:35+02:002005-06-24T15:11:35+02:00 <p>It seems thathe twins have suddenly remembered that they're supposed to be making my life hell!!!!<br> They were great for a few days but now they are playing up at feed times, crying for no apparent reason (for crying, read screaming) and generally making life hard. I wonder if they're just picking up on the fact that I'm down regarding the problems I'm having with my family. It seems too much of a coincidence that they were behaving and then just as my family problems began, they started to play up again.<br> I will try and remember that and not be too hard on them. Have to confess though that I lost my temper yesterday. Ended up screaming right back at them. Sometimes it's the only way!<br> Regarding my family, I wrote out a repy to my Mam's letter today. It's a long and drawn out affair, but in a nutshell, it says that we can't move on unless we try to resolve our problems. And seeing as though she will do anything to avoid discussing what has happened, I don't really expect a reply in the near future.<br> And what of my Dad? Well, I'm still looking for him.<br> The five day diet started in earnest yesterday as I opened up the treadmill for the first time in six months. Last year I used to run for an hour every other day. That all stopped when the twins came along, of course, as I had neither the time nor the inclination. But I will try to get back into the swing of things. I ran for thirty minutes yesterday and quite enjoyed myself and so I'm going to try for another half hour tomorrow. Wish me luck!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/24/things_are_getting_back_to_normal/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-21:/2005/06/21/developments/onlypaul2005-06-21T22:53:18+02:002005-06-21T22:53:18+02:00 <p>How the mind buzzes with indecision. I got a letter from my Mam today telling me that if I want to get back in touch with her it has to be on her terms or not at all.<br> Those terms are:<br> No mention of my Dad or brother or sister. Ever.<br> And no mention of what happened to set the whole problem off in the first place. This means that nothing will be resolved. Everything will be swept under the carpet where it will simmer and no-doubt rear its ugly head in the future.<br> Seems like a bad idea to me. Her way or the highway? That will probably be the highway then...<br> 5 Day Diet. Hmmmm. Not as bad as I'd feared but certainly not great. I put 2lbs on, which takes me up to 5stone 3lbs. I set myself a target of being 5stone 2lbs or under by the end of June, so as Sunday is the final weigh-in of the month, I'd better get dieting!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/21/developments/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-20:/2005/06/20/you_can_t_choose_your_family/onlypaul2005-06-20T18:27:50+02:002005-06-20T18:27:50+02:00 <p>Well, what a weekend!<br> Some background info first: about a year and a half ago, I fell out with my parents because they said I had to choose between them and Wifey, who they had decided they didn't like just because my sister didn't get on with her.<br> Well, I chose, which meant none of my family wanted anything else to do with me. (Including my brother, who just decided he would go along with the majority... because that's what he's always done.<br> So, you keeping up?<br> (Incidentally, when the twins were born, I went round to my parents' house to tell them, thinking that we might try and get along, only to have the door shut in my face.)<br> Anyway, on Friday night I got a text from my Mam: how about a reconciliation?<br> We texted back and forth and came to an agreement that I would go through and see her. Whereupon I learn the news that my Dad has left her for a woman half his age (my age, in fact!) and he's living with her and her son. And the affair has been going on for a couple of years.<br> Jesus! Talk about complicatng matters. I'm now more confused than I ever was. But something is definitely rotten in Denmark. For a start, my brother and sister are supporting my Dad in his decision. I mean, what is all that about? My parents were approaching their 37th wedding anniversary. How can they just decide that it's okay?<br> My Mam won't tell me where my Dad is living (although I'm trying to track him down; I <em>will</em> find him) and both of my siblings are adamant that they don't want anything to do with me still.<br> I tried texting my Dad to ask him what's going on but he told my brother to tell my Mam to tell me not to bother. But how can I not? How can I just sit back and let him do what he's done without confronting him about it?<br> I wonder whether that's why he doesn't want to see me: because I'm he only person likely to tell him that he's being an asshole. Both my brother and my sister have huge yellow streaks running through them and very rarely, if ever, rock the boat, even when something is very wrong. My brother is a yes-man and my sister is the female equivalent.<br> So then I have to ask myself... do I continue with the reconciliation with my Mam? She's made it clear that it's just her and no-one else. That makes me wonder whether she's got in touch simply because she has no-one else now. Her husband's left, so does that mean my siblings' loyalties lie with him and not my Mam? If so, I'm not sure whether they are the right reasons to get back in touch.<br> My head's in a spin! I just had to get some of this down to try and make sense of it. I haven't read back over everything so if it all reads like nonesense, then I apologise. I just wanted to jabber or for a bit and then I'll look back at it later and see if it helps to read of my own plight!<br> But I just can't get over it: my Dad runs of with a woman half his age; my brother and sister support him in that decision; my Mam contacts me out of nowhere.<br> I'll let you one thing: things were a lot less complicated when I wasn't talking to anyone!<br> And another thing: tomorrow is weigh-in day and this whole weekend has been one long take-away/alcohol binge - especially with Father's Day thrown in for good measure!<br> I will be sure to have a good clear-out before I step on the scales! And cut my nails and have a shave and breathe out... anything to help!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/20/you_can_t_choose_your_family/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-16:/2005/06/16/weigh_in_day_happiness/onlypaul2005-06-16T23:50:04+02:002005-06-16T23:50:04+02:00 <p>I have shed two whole pounds! All hail the five day diet! I am now within striking distance of being under 15 stone. I am 15 stone and 1 lb, which means, since I began my diet properly, I have plummeted by a total of 5lbs. Still, five down, thirty six to go!!!!<br> Short and sweet update today (Mmmmmmm... sweeeeets! Must resist the urge to eat!!!)<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/16/weigh_in_day_happiness/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-15:/2005/06/16/other_things/onlypaul2005-06-16T00:31:49+02:002005-06-16T00:31:49+02:00 <p>Things are pretty good with the twins at the moment, which means I can devote time to other things!<br> I have spent a lot of time over the last few months downloading music. I have always loved music, and it certainly seemed simpler when all you has to do was go into a shop and buy the latest release by your particular favourite. But now it's a whole new ball game!<br> And this download malarky can be quite tricky. Once you get into it though, it's a great way of discovering music. And a lot cheaper than the way I used to do it.<br> Example. Last year I bought 169 CDs. So, given that we are now about half way through the year, I should have amassed about 85 CDs, right? Well, with my current download obsession, I can say that I've only actually bought 12 CDs so far this year!<br> I have, however, downloaded many, many tunes. I have an MP3 player that can hold up to 5000 songs, and in the past few months I have filled it to about the 60% mark.<br> And that one MP3 player takes up a lot less room than the equivalent amount of CDs!<br> Recent download discoveries:<br> Isaac Hayes, Ofra Haza, Noonday Underground. And I'm currently searching for Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. It's got to be there somewhere...!<br> Bye bye.<br> P.S. Tomorrow's weigh-in day. Wish me luck! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/16/other_things/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-14:/2005/06/14/life_is_good/onlypaul2005-06-14T23:07:46+02:002005-06-14T23:07:46+02:00 <p>It occurred to me that the worse life seems to be (and I mean that very broadly; I'm not about to do anything silly!) the more I seem to write in my blog. There seems to be a direct connection. The twins were bad today: leat about it in my blog. Wifey is too distant: bleat about it in my blog.<br> So, the fact that my posts have been few and far between of late can mean only one thing: life is pretty good.<br> Now, I'm not usally one for tempting fate like that, but I do feel like I'm getting somewhere with the twins. We have a routine (is that the buzzword regarding kids, or what?!) established, which I think is the main reason. And, of course, because I'm happier, they're happier, and because they're happier, I'm happier. See? Everybody's happy!<br> Of course, happiness can't last forever, so I just know that the light at the end of this particular tunnel could well turn out to be a train coming the other way. But I shall enjoy it while it lasts.<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/14/life_is_good/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-11:/2005/06/11/things_are_looking_up/onlypaul2005-06-11T10:23:27+02:002005-06-11T10:23:27+02:00 <p>Well, I haven't posted for a few days so I thought I would give an update. Firstly, the twins. Well, they've had their moments but they've been pretty good too. I don't know if that's because I'm trying to be more patient or because they're getting better. (That makes them sound like they were poorly, but you know what I mean.) But the big news is that I feel happier and I'm sure that the twins will be picking up on that and so they're feeling happier too, hence them being pretty good. Also, because I'm happier with them, the toddler seems to be happier too. Phew! Isn't life grand! (Just need to work on Wifey now!)<br> Today is weigh-in day!!! And I have lost a whole 3lbs! Yes! It's a long trip though - 3lbs down, 38 to go. Next weigh-in day on the 5 Day Diet is Thursday. Hopefully I'll have lost three or more and will be under fifteen stone. Watch this space.<br> Regarding Girl One. There will be no more mentions unless something developes. I'm trying to distance myself for the simple reason that the place I'm in right now means I wouldn't need very much encouragement to embark upon an affair. And anyway, a couple of times recently I've been getting Evil Eyes from her hubby. I don't know why, it isn't like we've done anything. Just being friendly, that's all.<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/11/things_are_looking_up/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-07:/2005/06/07/today_has_been_the_best_day_for_a_loooon/onlypaul2005-06-07T23:58:02+02:002005-06-07T23:58:02+02:00 <p>I actually have no complaints. They behaved themselves; it's as simple as that. I had a great day with the toddler too. Everyone was happy. (Have hardly seen Wifey since she came home from work though. Came in, had tea with us, went upstairs to work and then vanished off to bed. Does this mean a perfect ending to a perfect day? I think she has to remember that sometimes I need adult company. Hangon... I said I wasn't going to complain!)<br> 5 Day Diet is going well. Well, I had a little snack tonight but that was a minor glitch. Can't remember whether or not I said what I weighed in at on Monday so I'll say it again: 15 stone 6lbs (was that right? Damn, I should have written it down!) I'm thinking thin thoughts readying myself for Saturday's weigh-in!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/07/today_has_been_the_best_day_for_a_loooon/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-05:/2005/06/05/this_time_i_mean_business/onlypaul2005-06-05T23:57:37+02:002005-06-05T23:57:37+02:00 <p>It seems that the last few weeks I have started my diet about a thousand times. Well, tomorrow I will start it again but this time I <em>will</em> lose weight. You see, I've found an incentive. I'm fed up of Wifey not wanting to spend time with me at the moment. I do my best - cook a nice meal, rent a film, put on some cool music - but she is always only half (maybe not even half) enjoying herself because she is too busy watching the clock and figuring out how to shoe-horn into the conversation her desire to call it a night and go to bed (and I don't mean go to bed for <em>that</em>).<br> So, my incentive is: I will lose weight because I don't want to be over-weight if and when I have to start dating again. I want to be confident that I won't be left high and dry lusting after an opposite sex that spends it time avoiding me.<br> So there it is. Get focussed and be ready for if things come to a head. A horrible thing to say? Maybe. I'm not about to jump into various women's beds just because I shed a few pounds, but I want to be ready just in case. Marriage makes you lazy. You don't have to be trim anymore; too many home cooked meals start to take their toll and when the kids arrive, well you just don't have the time or the inclination.<br> Wish me luck then! Weigh-in day tomorrow and then 5 Day Diet restarts!<br> I'm not even going to mention the twins tonight. Well, not in detail anyway. They're being pretty good, but they're still taking up too much of my time. Or put another way... taking up time that I otherwise would have spent with the toddler. I know there must be a way to balance it all but I haven't figured it out yet!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/05/this_time_i_mean_business/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-06-02:/2005/06/02/title_5116/onlypaul2005-06-02T09:55:32+02:002005-06-02T09:55:32+02:00 <p>Wifey was off yesterday which meant I was relieved of The Twins for a day. You can't believe how great it is not to be ruled by two hungry, screaming mouths for a whole day! Of course, the fact that she was off yesterday means that it's back to normal today... (Gulp!)<br> Was (once again) struck by how dissimilar Wifey and I seem to be at the moment. There is nothing at all that we seem to do together. This next bit is sad but true; avert your eyes if you easily scoff. For a whole week we have been looking forward to watching the final two episodes of Desperate Housewives, shown on Channel 4 last night. It's a guilty TV pleasure that we both became addicted to (something to do with the twins' feed time being about the same time as when the show started) and have stayed with for the duration of the series. Well, I was looking forward to us both sitting and watching it together... the way couples are supposed to. Didn't happen. She watched the first half hour and then went off to bed. She loves the programme but couldn't even stay up one night to watch it. It's a small example of how she never wants to do things with me anymore. I know it seems trivial, but when you look forward to spending time with your other half and it doesn't happen (especially when you spend most days in the company of babies and a toddler) then it does get you down. (Snif!)<br> Started getting some nice comments re my blog. Keeping my morale up a bit, which is nice. Would be nicer if the morale boosts came from closer to home, if you know what I mean. But, seriously, thanks for the comments and keep them coming. Have to start making sure my blog is worth reading if people actually <em>are</em> reading it though!<br> Bye bye.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/02/title_5116/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-31:/2005/06/01/groundhog_day/onlypaul2005-06-01T00:24:46+02:002005-06-01T00:24:46+02:00 <p>Every day seems to be the same as the last. They twist, we fight, they cry, I feel like an impatient failure, unable to cope with raising kids. It seems like a waste of time having a blog for the simple reason that anyone could read any day's entry and it would be exactly the same as any other day. There's no plot developement to be found here!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/06/01/groundhog_day/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-30:/2005/05/30/all_back_to_normal_then/onlypaul2005-05-30T23:38:14+02:002005-05-30T23:38:14+02:00 <p>Firstly, I have to say that the 5 Day Diet started off pretty badly. I weighed in at 15'3, which was okay(ish) but, it being a bank holiday - a sunny bank holiday at that - I spent the majority of the day drinking and eating. Will have to try harder tomorrow!<br> The Twins were good and bad today. He has been pretty good but she has been a little shit. Won't feed from me whatsoever. The trouble is, I don't want to ge into a situation where she kicks off and I end up not feeding her as this will lead to her waking up over night because she's hungry. And the only thing that gets me through the day is knowing (or being pretty sure) that all three kids will sleep through the night. Bedtime is no later than 8 and they usually get through to about 6.30 - 7. That's my time, and if keeping my time means force-feeding a screaming baby, then so be it. I just wish it was easier!<br> Wifey doesn't help because she jumps in saying I'm doing this wrong and that wrong and I should let her do it because she's able to calm her down. How does that make me feel? It's like she's just saying to me, "Look, you're not doing it right. I'm a much better parent than you." And how des she think I cope when she's not there to 'bail me out'? Grrrr!!!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/05/30/all_back_to_normal_then/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-29:/2005/05/29/may_the_force_be_with_me/onlypaul2005-05-29T23:19:11+02:002005-05-29T23:19:11+02:00 <p>This blog's title will suggest only one thing... saw Star Wars last night. Have to say I was a bit apprehensive after the last two let me down a bit. But this film is... well, brilliant. Everything is tied up in a neat little package, and the way you get there is simply astounding. A lot of people have been moaning that it isn't as good as any of the films in the original trilogy, but I would rank Revenge Of The Sith somewhere in my top three. Don't know where yet (need to be a little more distanced to be properly obective) but it's definitely there somewhere.<br> Was determined to enjoy myself though, as this was the first night since The Twins were born that Wifey and I have been able to go out together. And a good time was had!<br> Thankfully, regarding The Twins, there have been more good days than bad recently. I know this won't last (I just know it won't!) but I will try to enjoy them until the dak side claims them once again.<br> Hate to fall into the old diet diary routine, but I did state that one of my objectives in this blog was to keep a record of my diet. Well, I have to say that for the last few days, dieting has been the last thing on my mind.<br> Will start again on Monday with my 5 Day Diet. Tomorrow is weigh-in day then, so I'd better go and do some excercise!!!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/05/29/may_the_force_be_with_me/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-27:/2005/05/28/another_not_bad_day/onlypaul2005-05-28T00:21:37+02:002005-05-28T00:21:37+02:00 <p>That's two in a row! I won't rest on my laurels though. Maybe they are just luring me into a false sense of security!<br> Dealing with comments time...<br> Thanks for the words of support Linda. I never seem to get them, and it does build me up to hear them. Regarding the teething, well, I thought that might have been the case but there seems to be no sign. And - Christ!!! - it's just occurred to me that when thy do start teething then they are going to go from bad to worse! Aaaaaaaarrrgggghhhhh!!!!<br> I decided to ignore Girl One again today. Partly to see if that made her more responsive and partly because I really shouldn't be pursuing her at all. It did make her more responsive though. Sometimes I wish that I could be a girl for one day just to find out how their minds work (and to see if we're really as predictable as they say we are!)<br> I really don't know what to do about Girl One. Just see wat happens I suppose.<br> Anyway, it's half term so I won't see her for a week.<br> Let's see if we can make it three not bad days in a row!<br> Bye bye.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/05/28/another_not_bad_day/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-26:/2005/05/27/not_a_bad_day/onlypaul2005-05-27T00:11:49+02:002005-05-27T00:11:49+02:00 <p>Not a bad day today. Wifey was home, which meant I had help with the twins, which always helps. We took the kids out which was a nice break from the norm. Usually I don't really like taking all three out, preferring just to take out the toddler, because I find the twins too stressful.<br> However, I decided to make the effort and it was well worth it. See, I'm trying!<br> Also decided to cool off my pursuit of Girl One. Well, there isn't really a pursuit, but I've felt myself seeking her out whenever I see her, and... well, I have decided to cool off.<br> And what do you know, suddenly she seems to be seeking <em>me</em> out! I tried the old 'sit next to the prettiest girl in the building' routine and Girl One was all eyes on me. I don't even know what I'm doing. I've tried to justify it all ways (caught her hubby flirting, my wife and I are going through a rough patch) but all it boils down to in the end is the fact that I'm courting with disaster. I'm chasing her and I know it.<br> Will sign off on that note. See what happens tomorrow, when we usually end up spending quite a bit of time talking.<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/05/27/not_a_bad_day/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-25:/2005/05/26/bonding_time_with_the_toddler/onlypaul2005-05-26T00:45:34+02:002005-05-26T00:45:34+02:00 <p>I made a huge effort today to spend time with the toddler. I know I'm supposed to share the love around equally, but I am really finding that hard to do right now... and I did promise myself that I would try harder today after letting the TV do the parenting yesterday.<br> And I feel better about myself now. I never seem to be able to do anything bad in the eyes of the toddler, but I know I was a bad dad yesterday and so feel good that I took the time to redress the balance today.<br> As for the twins... well, today wasn't such a bad day. It had its moments, but by and large, things went okay. Put it this way, it wasn't one of the bad days!<br> Have two comments from yesterday that I want to address.<br> To whom it may concern...<br> Firstly, no, Wifey doesn't know that I am keeping a blog. I would have thought that the content of my blog would have suggested as much. I also would have thought - and I may be wrong, it's just my opinion - that most married people who keep blogs probably do so without their other half's knowledge. I don't know though... is that the case?<br> Secondly... depression. Am I depressed? I would have thought not, but then I guess that's what all depressed people say, right?! Honestly though, I don't think I'm depressed. Having a hard time? Yes, most definitely. Feeling alone? Again, yes. But depressed? No, I don't think so. At least not yet!!!!!!!!!!</p> <p>Find myself looking forward - as I always do - to tomorrow to see if Girl One puts in an appearance. I caught her husband flirting with one of the mothers at the school gate today. Made me feel guilty that I do the same as him... Will probably continue to do so though. Boys will be boys, right?<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/05/26/bonding_time_with_the_toddler/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-24:/2005/05/25/just_the_same_old_stuff/onlypaul2005-05-25T00:01:22+02:002005-05-25T00:01:22+02:00 <p>Another day, more screaming children. It's the same story as every other day, so I'm not about to bore you with more and more details, except to say that it's really getting me down that Wifey doesn't seem to care how hard I'm finding it. She continues to either brush my worries under the carpet or - and this is the usual method - simply not probe at all once she finds out it's been another hard day. I just wish that there was somebody who could help... just someone to talk to in the same position as me. Someone who doesn't think I'm just wingeing!<br> And the situation is definitely effecting my relationship with my toddler as well. I find that I never have the time or the energy to spend quality time with him. Today I simply stuck him in front of the TV rather than deal with his needs, which is something I promised myself I would never do.<br> Promise time: tomorrow I will concentrate on the toddler's needs.</p> <p>Next up: this 3 Day Diet malarky is hard work. I'm not really finding the dieting difficult, more the remembering to weigh myself! I eventually remembered today but I'd already got halfway through the afternoon. I might change it to a 4 or 5 day diet. Watch this space!<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/05/25/just_the_same_old_stuff/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:thisismylife.blog.co.uk,2005-05-22:/2005/05/22/music_2/onlypaul2005-05-22T23:33:53+02:002005-05-22T23:33:53+02:00 <p>I'm the first to admit that I'm addicted to music. It's my first love, and I can't get through the day without it. And so many situations can be helped with the right soundtrack.<br> I find I can escape from Family Stuff with the right music. For some reason, today that meant Isaac Hayes and Black Moses. Don't know why, but it just... worked. I felt chilled out and ready to face another onslaught from The Twins!<br> Actually, they've been good today. All weekend in fact. I susct this is because Wifey has been home and she has a much longer fuse than I do and kids... well, they pick up on these things, don't they?<br> I do try to be calm and relaxed with them, but I can feel myself slipping further and further down the slippery slope as they get more and more agitated. And, of course, the more agitated they get, the more stressed I become and so it goes on and on.<br> Tomorrow I will try harder to be a calmer person and be more patient with them.<br> On the plus side, we have finally made some headway with getting help from the family. My family haven't spoken to me or mine for two years now, so they aren't even considered these days. But Wifey's family were becomming more and more distant. (Something to do with an arguement with Wifey's sister; long story, don't ask.) But they finally agreed to look after The Twins and toddler next Saturday night so we could have a ight off. I think this will help a great deal. We definitely need some 'us time'. I don't think people realise how hard it is looking after twins. And kids in general. Wifey's parents were always saying they couldn't look after them because they wouldn't know how to cope. For one night. How do they think we manage? Can they really not remember from when their kids were babies?<br> So I made a promise to myself that if and when my kids grow up and spawn grandkids, I will be the most helpful grandparent in the land!<br> So anyway, next Saturday night we are going to go out for a meal and then catch the new Star Wars flick. Really lookng forward to it.<br> Bye bye. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://thisismylife.blog.co.uk/2005/05/22/music_2/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>